Most of the time I wait for people to tell me what they want. But often, I realize that I myself don't know what I want. Of in fact not spending effort to know what I want.

I want someone to care for and someone to care for me.
I want someone special and belongs to me only.
I want someone whom I can talk to about everything.

But right now, I shouldn't be getting into r/s or getting jealous of people cause I'll end up hurting others and myself only. I choose to keep a distance from people so well, there won't be any unnecessary disputes or arguments.

People will say if you don't try, you will never get what you want. I can't try. Cause trying would mean hurting others and I don't want to do that anymore.

I always dreamed of having a happily family and having children, but well, there's no point getting emo over this kind of things since the problem lies with me. Being an unstable bomb its better to stay out of people's reach.

Nowadays avoiding those negative thoughts and being blur and ignorant is pretty good also. Although I am not very happy, at least I am not sad. And seeing your love ones being happy should be a good things cause they are happy with other people who can give them happiness when you can't do it. So I shouldn't be selfish and wants to own them all by myself and not allowing them to be with other people when I can't give them happiness.

Ok a bit emo now. Time to avoid those thinking and read books.